notapplicable's Blog

the ants were on the counter

boils forming under the skin

he sickens me 

sickens me

He over cooks the pasta

sometimes bores me senseless 

recently I became allergic to his affection

He’s angry with me

his voice frightens me

sharp but not clever

he tries to hurt me

I hate him

hate him

He told me that I should leave

So I wondered around Bourbon Street

My body can’t take the booze

Like it did when I was clean

The damage has been done

I woke up with burning guts

when the hotel room met the sun

I don’t expect anything 

why would he be descent to me

I forgot  one of his preachings

Now he has nightmares about me

Next time around I wont share my story

Next time around I’ll keep more things to myself

Next time around I wont make him want me

He cares too much to ignore me

on the line

the line

So we hate and like the same things

No pain and no gain

another layer of scales

a reason to forget my name

Hope and shame

Streets filled with vomit and rain

a gust of wind to bring the smell of pis

into my sorry way

And it’s all my fault 

the habits, the illness, the man

born into decency 

but still got myself lost

i am not worth the mention

Still find some comfort 

in the fact I will be missed

The eyes are dead

I say the eyes are dead

windows show empty rules

I cant go on forever with him

but I see myself going a couple months more

because some days he wants me and

some days he wants me no more

I can be lonely just fine

while others lose their minds

i just got to leave him behind

He wants to control me

i will naturally choose to be lonely

large cockroaches crawl from the trash heap
i did not jump or sigh
I watched his body 
and its dirty life
stronger then I could be
weather is worm and wet
the rats make their nest
and around 4 AM I finally go to sleep